Sunday, 25 September 2011

trip to london

so i got on the train despite my reservations about the trip. got off the train and checked into the hostel. layed there for a few hours to gather my shit together. all good so far. then i wandered off to an art gallery opening night where my friend from uni was displaying some of her work.

these ventures out into the world are always awful but i cant resist doing them occasionally.

so after consulting my a to z map and wandering around in many directions i saw the lights of the gallery building and headed there. the door was open with plenty of people milling around inside. i took a deep breath and headed inside. i waited to see if i could see the girl from university or anyone else i knew. after 30 seconds i saw her and she saw me.
      she looked at me blankly. then with some effort mustered a pathetic smile. as if being the great humanitarian she was she would be nice to such a cretinous creature as myself.
         the last straw had been reached.
A lazer beam left my forehead from between my eyes. it struck her in the genitals then as i moved my head it slashed her from her vagina to her kidney. she fell. everyone else started waving arms and running for the door. i waved my head around like a spastic trying to do as much destruction as possible with my lazer.
     then i was still and the lazer beam went out.
i looked around a couple of other people had been killed. one had been cut from the side of the neck down through the lung to the hip losing his arm and other important bits. another person still alive was groaning with most of her leg cut off.
some artwork had been slashed but most was still intact. as per usual the raging terrorist had done a terrible job in inflicting damage when there was so much possiblity.

i left the building. the road i exited onto was rather industrial. It was a dark area with a few lights dotted around different industrial complexes. warnings on the fence 'do not enter' and a domed dirty green building that i suppose contained a nuclear bomb. i walked to the end of the road. feeling a pain in my foot i looked down to find i had cut about a third of my right foot off. the toes were all gone. 'for fucks sake'.
i hate hospitals and all the smarmy doctors inside em but now was the time to go to hospital. at the end of the industrial road i reached a highstreet with shops and pubs. looking down to the right i saw the underground sign. i hobbled towards it. people stared at the cross section of trainer and foot partially covered with blood. i saw a somewhat respectable chap in a suit and asked him for the nearest hospital. 'kingston' he said and kept on walking.

after a trip on the tube and wandering around asking for directions i eventually arrived at the hospital.
'i have cut my toes off'
'and how did this happen?'
'i was gardening and i made a miscalculation with my spade'
'right. so you were gardening at night when you accidentally slammed your spade through your foot?'
'yes'
'take a seat'

after a 5 minute wait a doctor came and ushered me into a cubicle. there i sat for 10 minutes. then 5 policemen wandered in.
'ello ello ello'....





     

3 comments:

  1. your mind amazes me

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  2. ah the mystery follower. it made my day to see my '1 follower' symbol when i logged in.

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  3. glad you're feeling that way :)
    your blogs are entertaining and inspiring in its own way.

    i'll be around every now and then (army)

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