I try to avoid the activities most people do to maintain happiness and sanity. Such as employment, relationships, exercise. All these things are appealing to me in their isolation but they are always tangled up with other unpleasant shit.
Employment requires a routine, getting up everyday early in the morning. Driving a car. these things are pretty undesirable to me. Anything we forced to do repeatably becomes intolerable. It is the trivial shit that through repetition reaches our bone marrow that is the main problems we all face (the alarm clock, the greetings to colleagues, the drive to work) not the sharp pangs of new sensations (the burglar in your flat, LSD, being fired).
relationships. well i tried pretty hard at university but it wasnt enough. I feel alienated form most people women more so than men. I perhaps get their respect but they are just bored with what i am interested in, what i want to discuss.
exercise well that inevitably gets repetitive. I wonder mind doing som rock climbing, downhill mountainbiking if it didnt require driving and such.
So it becomes a struggle. You talk shit on the interwebs. you play with the electrics of your house. you try and fix cars. you smoke cigarettes and obsess about illegal substances out of reach. play the shit out of video games. It is all pretty foolish but we must push onwards. to stand still is not really an option.
We ask why did the boy try and backflip off a building? why do people talk such stupidity, fight and rape? Sure desire has a lot to do with it but everyones tranna stave off the horrors of silence, anxiety and something worse than what they are doing. stupidity is necesary not only for wellbeing,we must travel through it, push outwards if we are going to see something more intelligent.
we are not rational beings capable of holding to principles and rules. we are subject to stimulus and response. if i show you gore you baulk if i show you a puppy you grin. well maybe you do somethign very different but you do not decide. you simply react.
so where the hell was I? these posts never go according to my plan. so yeah im rather obsessed with drugs these days. I smoke cigarettes. Think i might try and buy one of those shisha pipes. give them a go. like i say i hear your valid criticisms but while you have your stupidities I have different ones.