Tuesday, 27 March 2012

mein vati

so my mother went away for a week and it fell to me to look after my dad whilst she was away. My mother puts a lot of effort in with looking after my dad. previously i thought it was really only harmful to keith. that he would be more sane and healthy without that care.
So mother swans off to cyprus and i take a rather lax approach to keiths care. This moring the nurse wakes me up saying keith has collapsed on the floor. At this point i thought i may of made an error in my opinions of this matter. I didnt really know what to do. my brother came over and with a rather annoying swagger proceeded to fix father with a shot of insulin.
so yeah my father had an operation to remove bladder cancer which went wrong and left him in intensive care for several days. they revived him and through a long path of effort he is still going a decade later. but it now appears his link to the living is a rather tenuous one and without a constant effort from my family he would not survive.
but living the way he does it is not so different to the person kept alive by machines. he is a direct product of my familys efforts and really has no personality of his own. If i was solely responsible he would not live long. I think he is rather indifferent to it all. he endures because people fight for him but he would fairly easily drift into the afterlife if that care was taken away.

Saturday, 24 March 2012


in a bid to diversify iv started using twitter for really inane shit. i can probably have blogger post to twitter or vice versa but in the mean time:

online shopping addiction

I have a small scale addiction to buying things i dont need on the internet. I get about £50 a week in benefits from the state for helping to look after my padre. As i live with my parents and pay nothing to them i can do what i like with this money. The wise man would save it. I spend it on things on the internet.
recently its been DIY stuff. electrical cable, wire strippers, drills, screws. Its all kind of useful but not really necesary. I just bought a couple of rcd/ circuit breaker plugs amongst other things. I think though the main house circuit has circuit breaker protection inbuilt so its pointless.

I suffer first world problems. lord help me i have moneyz and i cant resist spending it. i am suffering.

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

suicide and murder

your sat alone. the world has closed in and the options are slim. masterbation, drugs and calling people niggers isnt gonna cut it. you can go to the garage and hang yourself from the rafters or go and rape the neighbour.

strike out against the world. destroy and pillage. open up someone elses veins rather than your own. be not a slave to morality. it is better them than you.

Sunday, 18 March 2012

mood happiness

is the rich man happier than the poor man?

not really. im not sure if happiness is the body in decline or in health but its relative. If we lived the same day repeatedly we'd become unemotional it is change that brings about mood.

the rich man is less emotional because he is less subject to the erratic nature of things. his wealth gives him a distance from the hustle and bustle.
the poor man is on top of the world one minute and despairing the next. the poor man is more moral. more of  a religeos mentality of good and evil, that is a result of been tossed over board by the world then dragged back on shore and given coconuts.

you can desire happiness, you can obtain it. happiness can be linked to certain things in the world for certain people but it is subjective. you cannot always be happy. you cannot always be sad. if you are born a slave and forced to eat turd your entire life you will be endure no more sadness than the rich man who can indulge his every desire.

dogs and politics

so i sit here and eat some pizza. My dog sits next to me. It is obvious she wants some pizza too. But i dont give it to her. whys that? i could simply say i am greedy and want it all which would be reasonable. people dont usually say this though. they take the moral highground. They say the dog is not clever.

" If i feed her everything she wants she will become fat and will be worse off than if i control her diet and behaviour." ultimately "i know best and therefore have the right to act against her will."

this is always how authority justifies itself. governments say the public is not wise it matters of finance, of ruling so we shall act for you. But surprise surprise the politicians usually do rather well out of the decisions they make and the populace not so much.

I give my dog leftovers and things i dont want. if she finds a dead animal in the field i will let her gorge on it.
 People, animals should have the right to do as they please if it doesnt really affect others. If my dog ends up a big bloat, rolling around with arthritis because of my lack of control well i will be upset but i will not regret my decisions. people, animals make much more progress if allowed to make their own mistakes. mistakes are just forms of behaviour we have evolved beyond and remember.  we cant be educated, or told the correct way as some sort of shortcut we must commit the mistakes ourselves.

authorites probably believe the moral bullshit they spout but really they are just acting in their own interest.

Friday, 16 March 2012


This blogs really starting to pay the bills.