Tuesday, 27 March 2012

mein vati

so my mother went away for a week and it fell to me to look after my dad whilst she was away. My mother puts a lot of effort in with looking after my dad. previously i thought it was really only harmful to keith. that he would be more sane and healthy without that care.
So mother swans off to cyprus and i take a rather lax approach to keiths care. This moring the nurse wakes me up saying keith has collapsed on the floor. At this point i thought i may of made an error in my opinions of this matter. I didnt really know what to do. my brother came over and with a rather annoying swagger proceeded to fix father with a shot of insulin.
so yeah my father had an operation to remove bladder cancer which went wrong and left him in intensive care for several days. they revived him and through a long path of effort he is still going a decade later. but it now appears his link to the living is a rather tenuous one and without a constant effort from my family he would not survive.
but living the way he does it is not so different to the person kept alive by machines. he is a direct product of my familys efforts and really has no personality of his own. If i was solely responsible he would not live long. I think he is rather indifferent to it all. he endures because people fight for him but he would fairly easily drift into the afterlife if that care was taken away.

Saturday, 24 March 2012


in a bid to diversify iv started using twitter for really inane shit. i can probably have blogger post to twitter or vice versa but in the mean time:

online shopping addiction

I have a small scale addiction to buying things i dont need on the internet. I get about £50 a week in benefits from the state for helping to look after my padre. As i live with my parents and pay nothing to them i can do what i like with this money. The wise man would save it. I spend it on things on the internet.
recently its been DIY stuff. electrical cable, wire strippers, drills, screws. Its all kind of useful but not really necesary. I just bought a couple of rcd/ circuit breaker plugs amongst other things. I think though the main house circuit has circuit breaker protection inbuilt so its pointless.

I suffer first world problems. lord help me i have moneyz and i cant resist spending it. i am suffering.

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

suicide and murder

your sat alone. the world has closed in and the options are slim. masterbation, drugs and calling people niggers isnt gonna cut it. you can go to the garage and hang yourself from the rafters or go and rape the neighbour.

strike out against the world. destroy and pillage. open up someone elses veins rather than your own. be not a slave to morality. it is better them than you.

Sunday, 18 March 2012

mood happiness

is the rich man happier than the poor man?

not really. im not sure if happiness is the body in decline or in health but its relative. If we lived the same day repeatedly we'd become unemotional it is change that brings about mood.

the rich man is less emotional because he is less subject to the erratic nature of things. his wealth gives him a distance from the hustle and bustle.
the poor man is on top of the world one minute and despairing the next. the poor man is more moral. more of  a religeos mentality of good and evil, that is a result of been tossed over board by the world then dragged back on shore and given coconuts.

you can desire happiness, you can obtain it. happiness can be linked to certain things in the world for certain people but it is subjective. you cannot always be happy. you cannot always be sad. if you are born a slave and forced to eat turd your entire life you will be endure no more sadness than the rich man who can indulge his every desire.

dogs and politics

so i sit here and eat some pizza. My dog sits next to me. It is obvious she wants some pizza too. But i dont give it to her. whys that? i could simply say i am greedy and want it all which would be reasonable. people dont usually say this though. they take the moral highground. They say the dog is not clever.

" If i feed her everything she wants she will become fat and will be worse off than if i control her diet and behaviour." ultimately "i know best and therefore have the right to act against her will."

this is always how authority justifies itself. governments say the public is not wise it matters of finance, of ruling so we shall act for you. But surprise surprise the politicians usually do rather well out of the decisions they make and the populace not so much.

I give my dog leftovers and things i dont want. if she finds a dead animal in the field i will let her gorge on it.
 People, animals should have the right to do as they please if it doesnt really affect others. If my dog ends up a big bloat, rolling around with arthritis because of my lack of control well i will be upset but i will not regret my decisions. people, animals make much more progress if allowed to make their own mistakes. mistakes are just forms of behaviour we have evolved beyond and remember.  we cant be educated, or told the correct way as some sort of shortcut we must commit the mistakes ourselves.

authorites probably believe the moral bullshit they spout but really they are just acting in their own interest.

Friday, 16 March 2012


This blogs really starting to pay the bills.

Thursday, 15 March 2012


can you create your own world through your behaviour. Its one way to look at the artist. rather than someone who gives out merely someone trying to find satisfaction through his own creations. the world and those around them dont offer enough satisfaction so he has to produce his own content.

an alternate one would be that the artist is a sickly character. lacking vigour he withdraws to his solitude to work on projects that offer no direct benefit to the world in which they live.

but to digress well beyond this topic i have to say to talk of artists, scientists and philosophers is rather silly in this day and age. the boudaries blur and increasingly the concepts of old no longer apply. you can call yourself an engineer, a scientist, a gardener. but what are you actually doing? your standing in a room talking about the x factor. your arguing with a pedestrian about rights of way, your trying to suck your own genitals.

the daily struggles

I try to avoid the activities most people do to maintain happiness and sanity. Such as employment, relationships, exercise. All these things are appealing to me in their isolation but they are always tangled up with other unpleasant shit.

Employment requires a routine, getting up everyday early in the morning. Driving a car. these things are pretty undesirable to me. Anything we forced to do repeatably becomes intolerable. It is the trivial shit that through repetition reaches our bone marrow that is the main problems we all face (the alarm clock, the greetings to colleagues, the drive to work) not the sharp pangs of new sensations (the burglar in your flat, LSD, being fired).
relationships. well i tried pretty hard at university but it wasnt enough. I feel alienated form most people women more so than men. I perhaps get their respect but they are just bored with what i am interested in, what i want to discuss.
exercise well that inevitably gets repetitive. I wonder mind doing som rock climbing, downhill mountainbiking if it didnt require driving and such.

So it becomes a struggle. You talk shit on the interwebs. you play with the electrics of your house. you try and fix cars. you smoke cigarettes and obsess about illegal substances out of reach. play the shit out of video games. It is all pretty foolish but we must push onwards. to stand still is not really an option.
We ask why did the boy try and backflip off a building? why do people talk such stupidity, fight and rape? Sure desire has a lot to do with it but everyones tranna stave off the horrors of silence, anxiety and something worse than what they are doing. stupidity is necesary not only for wellbeing,we must travel through it, push outwards if we are going to see something more intelligent.

we are not rational beings capable of holding to principles and rules. we are subject to stimulus and response. if i show you gore you baulk if i show you a puppy you grin. well maybe you do somethign very different but you do not decide. you simply react.

so where the hell was I? these posts never go according to my plan. so yeah im rather obsessed with drugs these days. I smoke cigarettes. Think i might try and buy one of those shisha pipes. give them a go. like i say i hear your valid criticisms but while you have your stupidities I have different ones.


vagina. it has a certain beauty to it like a butterfly. a pristine tunnel that perfectly compliments the penis.
then youv got cunt. a raging beast. a violence and aggression in its brevity. an enemy of the cock that must be throttled and smothered, stangled and killed.
pussy. the sss of moisture. the slip slop. the canal flowing with pungent juices.

penis. a snake in the grass. a de-eroticised tool for urinating and procreation.

dick, rod, nob. a lump of wood to be waved about like a hooligan.

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

the economic recession

what is the reason for this?

most would probably say the banks. The crashing of banks was the most obvious phenomenon that can be related to and seemingly cause the global downturn that has followed. But how much are banks responsible for revenue, for productivity? not much.
banks are run by the rich and the intelligent they have a jolly good time and make lots of money moving it around but they really arent producing anything. It is the factory worker, the mechanic, the waiter who are the foundations of an economy. The shittier the job the more it contributes to the nations gdp.
The intelligent and the wealthy are either given the means or come to understand that despite the importance of these unpleasant jobs they are best avoided and that personal satisfaction and wealth go hand in hand.
but as time goes on the rich become poorer and the poor become richer. the working class no longer want to work the shitty jobs they have evolved beyond it. It has fallen to an underclass drafted in from other countries the west is also propped up by developing countries and their productivity. Ultimately productivity has fallen and the recession is caused by the evolution of the poor. They gain access to technology and more wealth and no longer want to endure the struggle and turpitude of their parents.
           This ofc is an ongoing process. people gave up the farms and the ploughs and went to the factories. then they left the factories and went to the offices. now people sit on their arses at their computers playing computer games perhaps doing casual part time jobs. The economy will recover but only when work for the masses becomes more amenable and this will happen through more and more of the economy being based on the internet which is more pleasant than the horrors of office work.

Monday, 12 March 2012

blogs/ writing versus youtube/vlog

i prefer watching youtube to reading blogs but i struggle with making videos it seems so much more arduous than writing. I feel youtube/ vlogging is the future but not sure i can make the transition.

Sunday, 11 March 2012

men of the see

we are men of the see
you and me

rowing our boats
on the translucent cream

the care of animals and putting them down

why do we put animals down?
"because they are suffering"

but we dont say "they would prefer to be dead". we dont give them that level of intelligence. We dont put humans down, why animals?

Iv been watching videos on youtube of dogs being taken to be put down. they are upsetting for me because my childhood dog was put down. i was away at university. i came home for christmas. the dog had rather swollen legs and struggled to walk. but my parents wouldnt walk her. i took her out and by the time i went back to uni she was much better. then a couple of months later i get a call saying she had been put down. i was angry at myself and my family for them not tellign me she had deteriorated and for me not being there.

I look at these videos and i presume when i looked at my dog i dont see these dogs as in great pain or miserable. their bodies are failing them but I dont think they should be put down. The dog no longer puts up a fight when taken to the vet it accepts its fate. When looking after anyone, any animal we should do what they desire. If we are not sure we should do nothing.
But care is always dictated more by the carer than the person being looked after. The owner looks at the dog and is extreemly upset at the dogs condition and that emotion drives them to take action. But our love and the consequent action is only harmful and the more upset the more love the more harm we do to those we are attached to.

Saturday, 10 March 2012


a flick of the flint
a flame lights

inhaling the grey fumes
a sharp pang to the lungs and dizziness
the gift of a future cancer

the body falling apart under desire.


the moment of srtupefied exghaustyion when you cant spell correclty.

slumped in your chair. incapacitated.

drinking beer and smoking cigarettes.

a beautiful thing. ah well i feel myself coming round. guess i'll go make a pizza.

Friday, 9 March 2012

foundation of religeon

religeon is founded on a code of repetitve behaviour. it outlaws most behaviour. the physical act of prayer the effort of getting up at a certain time and heading to the church/mosque. the effort of abstinence. this is what makes religeon appealing. the doctrine is inspirational to the believer and the physical practices are its expression.

The idea that religeon was an organic process that 'god' has appeared in many distinct cultures and represents a level of evolution in all of humanity.
The elite the leaders who called themselves gods (such as ancient egypt)or laid claim to supreme knowledge (the clergy) and extorted the fruits of the masses labour with inspirational and befuddling ideas. Did these people do this cynically with the personal belief they were not gods that they didnt understand or were not in contact with god?  Without people more intelligent than oneself its harder to doubt ones brilliance and given enough inequality the great see themselves as gods when surrounded by such idiocy.

religeon is the ultimate example of the power of intelligence. the masses controlled by speeches and ideas that inspire, confuse and scare.
when leaders have to use force the game is close to an end. it is governments that are the obstacle of todays generation. but they are remarkably liberal compared to the past. they do this not becasue they are compassionate but because to impose stricter control would energise the populace to discredit them.
the proliferation of police brutality on the internet in videos is an increasing sign of the waning of police power not vice versa.

Sunday, 4 March 2012


a single letter in an ocean of letters.

but I was here.

then I was eaten by an octopus.

now I am no more. I am [dirt]

how does one upload dirt to blogger, anyone know?